Welcome to Evergreen, Freshman. I’m not going to ask forgiveness for the title of this article, because it’s the truth when it comes to the wondrous time of O-Week here at Evergreen; you’re meeting new people who feel scared by the isolation of not knowing anyone but have a rush of excitement at this new world.
Don’t be afraid. Go hard, young ones.
But from my experience of going through two O-Weeks already, I feel it’s my duty to give you some advice on the Do’s and Don’ts of getting through this beautiful time of debauchery and self-exploration.
Don’t bring your booze outside to the smokers section next to A building after drinking in your dorm room with your new friends: security and RA’s frequent there and hiding a PBR Tall boy in your chinos just might not work as well as you think.
If you feel overwhelmed as to where to sit in the Greenery, just plop down near some friendly faces you’d like to get to know better and introduce yourself. What’s the worst they can do? Laugh in your face and point at you? That’s happened only a number of times. The odds are on your side.
No matter how much you think it’s a funny idea, don’t throw things on the 9th floor balcony. Take it from junior Sam Popejoy, “The funniest thing I did during my freshman O-Week was throw a box full of condoms at people down below with my floor mates on the 9th floor of A.” Given it’s a small campus, you’re going to see the person you hit in the face in your glass blowing program. Not cool, son.
Don’t hook up with someone on your floor. It’s a love that WILL NOT LAST, BECAUSE IT’S O-WEEK AND FRESHMAN YEAR! Here you are, thinking you found your soulmate for the next 9 months and then BAM, you see them with that guy with that guitar that has that goatee and a denim jacket and skinny jeans. And now you get to see your ex everyday, stupid.
Do go exploring in the woods during your free time: you’ll probably see deer, some flowers, and hear somebody in the distance say, “Yo, put that shit away bro. I hear someone coming.” Good times.
Do start using pronouns such as ze and they in respect to our LGBTQ Community on campus. It’s a great way to break the ice if you forgot someone’s name at a house party. And plus, S/he is outdated anyway.
Don’t be afraid to sit next to a student of color. We do not bite.
Do feel free to give the drum circles that spontaneously show up on Red Square a once over and chuckle to yourself. We’ll see who’s laughing last, mainstreamer.
If you see one of the campus cops on their cute little Segway’s, feel free to look and flag them down to see if you can have a ride. They won’t arrest you, I promise.
“Meet your floor mates with open arms. They’re not murderers! And it wouldn’t hurt if you picked up an instrument and be the person that’s known to open their window up and let all of housing know how good you are at playing it. And lastly, it wouldn’t hurt to say thank you to the people wearing the RAD Services shirts, because they do more than just take out the garbage”, says RA Emerald Engrum.
Junior Amanda Ruger has some advice for those that will be frequenting the Greenery this quarter: “Drop the Gold plan from the greenery and opt for the Silver plan, because you get more DB and not so much wasted food on your account.”
Do go to the Handy Pantry as soon as possible. It will almost be your home away from home (when it reopens).
Don’t complain about the prices of cigarettes at the corner store. C’mon man, we’re out in the middle of the woods. You really don’t expect them to jack up the prices a little bit?
For now, that’s all the advice I can give for all you bloodshot eyed freshman: if I divulged all of the tricks of the trade of being an awesome student here at Evergreen, and continued to just tell you what to do and what not to do, you wouldn’t learn from your screw ups, and that’d take away almost one of the biggest cornerstones of college in general: you come here to learn from mistakes, and to learn from those mistakes with thousands of other kids. Just remember to be safe out there, always use condoms, every time, and wash your clothes twice a week.
I’ll leave you with some final thoughts that come from fellow Greener, Max David: “Do stick to others ‘cause there’s power in numbers and no one likes to be alone. And don’t forget to buy toilet paper.” Trust me, stealing toilet paper from the Sem II bathrooms isn’t as glamorous as one thinks.
By Abraham Tadesse
