Dear Body Party,
I am a cis woman and while I love plenty about sex—the intimacy, making out, getting eaten out—I find penetration kind of uncomfortable. I tried going out and buying some KY Jelly and although it helped out, it got all over everything, smelled like cough syrup, and made me feel kind of sticky. Do you have any lube suggestions?
Lube makes all kinds of sex better. No one should ever feel bad about not being able to get wet enough, and nobody should ever have to put up with uncomfortable sex.
Sex should not be tolerable- it should be enjoyable, and lube can play a big part in making that happen, no matter what you’re putting in where. Too often, people end up grabbing whatever is lying around to get the job done- sample packets collected at Pride, coconut oil (which can work wonders in the right situation), or even conditioner (in general, I don’t think you should use anything a 13 year old boy uses to mastrabate for ‘grown up’ sex).
Lube has also been shown to decrease the risk of STDs & STIs, especially with PIV (penis in vagina) or PIA (penis in anus) sex, because it decrease the chances of micro tears in condoms.
There is even some evidence that lube alone can decrease the transmission rate of HPV if it includes Carrageenan, an additive common in all natural lube. Let me be clear- lube is important, lube is sexy, but you should be careful with what you buy.
Flavored lube can be fun (and if you’re interested I recommend checking out Babeland’s cheap, wild, vegan, natural flavors), but you should really first focus on buying a lube for all occasions.
It should not be scented, it should not be ‘warming’ or ‘cooling’ for added sensation, it should be all natural (in my opinion, anything you put inside yourself of slather around your genitals should be as pure as possible), it should not be oil based if you plan on using it with silicone toys, dental dams, or condoms, and it should definitely not be KY Jelly. The chemicals used in many lubes can cause rashes or irritation, especially if they are meant to induce ‘tingling’ or ‘cooling’.
My current favorite lube is Sliquid, which comes in silicone, water based and flavored versions and is cheap, vegan, and available with free two day Prime shipping on Amazon. But lube, like most things sex related, is really personal. Some people prefer the feel of silicon, some oil based, and some water based. The only way to really know what works for you is by trying some different varieties out. I highly recommend checking out The Women’s Resource Center- they have a variety of sample sized lube packets.
Like most new things, finding the perfect lube can be messy and awkward, but it’s also exciting and rewarding- it’s something so minimal that can make a major difference. Happy hunting!
-Party!
Body Party is a positive, open-minded column about everything bodied, sex, relationships, and self love. This column is not written by a doctor but done by a person who has researched a topic and looked into your questions thoroughly. If you have any questions or want advice or research on the topics of your body, sex, medication, STD’s ect. please submit them to bodypartycpj@gmail.com or ask anonymously at ask.fm/bodypartycpj
