Dear Body Party,
I’ve been fantasizing about anal play a lot recently when I mastubate and it really gets me off. I’ve never really done any butt stuff and while I get that there’s lube involved, I don’t really know where to start when it comes to anal play.
The best place to start with anal play, like so many other great sexual adventures, is with a really good lube. Silicone can be a great choice (if you’re not using condoms) because it doesn’t dry up the way water based lube can and a little will go a long way. Plus it’s waterproof, so you can use it in the bath and shower, which can be helpful if you’re feeling anxious or antsy about trying anal penetration for the first time.
People love talking shit about anal, and much like oral sex was once upon a time a scary, overly mythical taboo, anal sex’s infamy means that a lot of what you read about it is swathed in weird gay jokes and gross low key misogyny, neither of which helps when it comes getting the facts straight.
Much of what you may read online or see on TV is straight women cis talking about how they hate anal sex, but put up with is because their straight, cis boyfriends are obsessed with some pornography ideal of anal, an incredibly toxic concept of ‘normal’ sexuality. These are women who were never interested in anal sex in the first place and felt compelled to try it anyways. Anal play shouldn’t be scary—yes, it may be uncomfortable at first and yes, there is of course a chance you may not like it, but if you’re interested in it than it is definitely worth a try.
Once you’ve got your (likely silicone, but water can work depending on your preference) lube, it’s time to choose your method of penetration. Starting with your fingers can be really effective, as they are (relatively) small, and can help you to feel more in control of your penetration. Butt plugs are also great for beginners (and just in general!) because they provide consistent stimulation that can help you get used to anal penetration. They are also super utile- you can leave them in while you masturbate for a really fucking good time.
One word of warning: please, please make sure that anything that you stick in your anus (or anywhere!) has a tapered end or someway to retrieve it. Sex based emergency room visits are no fun. Where you go from fingers and butt plugs is really up to you. Anal beads or dildos are a great step up if you’re looking for deeper or more novel penetration, and vibrators of all kinds can increase sensation, sensitivity, and pleasure.
Part of the societal taboo of sex involves it being quarantined, put into it’s own little box away from the rest of your everyday life—but sex is a regular part of existence, and just like every other aspect of your life, experimenting can be fun just for the sake of experimenting. You’re not going to like every new thing you try, but as long as you want to try it and your venture into new territory prepared, it is guaranteed to pay off—even if it only pays off in new found knowledge of what you definitely don’t like or a fun anecdote to tell at the office christmas party.
Have fun & stay safe,
-Party!
Body Party is a positive, open-minded column about everything bodied, sex, relationships, and self love. This column is not written by a doctor but done by a person who has researched a topic and looked into your questions thoroughly. If you have any questions or want advice or research on the topics of your body, sex, medication, STD’s ect. please submit them to cooperpointjournal@gmail.com
