Welcome to college, bitch. You’re most likely about to do some fucking. If you know you won’t be fucking then that’s cool, we here at Body Party know that some people get by just fine without sex, but for this issue we’re getting into some vital information about how to get up to some healthy and consensual boinking. This is a column where a team of well-seasoned students answer anonymous questions about anything about or relating to putting your body parts on other people’s body parts. We do this because whether you gave em the ol’ toot n’ boot or you’re really excited to see them again (hint: this is a small town you can bet your and all your roommates glass blown pipes & copies of Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History of the United States” that you’re going to see them again), dating in college can be specifically tricky. For our first fall issue we’re going to provide some basic resources and advice to help you have a fun and satisfying time if you decide to share fluids and/or feelings with others.
Lets just get one thing ironed our before we proceed. We here at Body Party think body odor can be very sexy; if you wouldn’t bury your face in your crush’s stinky pits then are they actually your crush? (If this freaks you out then how did you get here? Welcome to Evergreen, sweaty.) But there’s a difference between a natural, end of the day funk and the moldy smell that comes from having never done your own laundry in your life. Change your chonies every day, wash your towels and sheets at least once a month (AT LEAST), trim your toe and fingernails, brush & floss your teeth, use soap & a washcloth and scrub your hecking genitals in the shower!!! If you’d rather be a garbage person and don’t care if anyone touches your junk that’s totally cool and we respect that. Admittedly, there will probably be someone out there who is willing to touch your unwashed bits. But if you do want to increase the likelihood of someone wanting to boink ya, and maybe even the possibility that someone will return to smash again, we highly recommend becoming the daily janitor for your own flesh suit.
We have gone over what you need to do to be prepared for sex, but what’s the sexiest thing you can do once you’re finally in the moment? Make sure you and your partner both consent to sexual activity with each other!! To be super specifically clear, anything other than an enthusiastic yes is a no. ANYTHING OTHER THAN AN ENTHUSIASTIC YES IS A NO!! Let’s get even more explicit about what consent does and doesn’t look like. If the person you want to fuck is intoxicated, even if they are saying yes, the drugs or alcohol has diminished their ability to consent and that’s gonna be a no. Do not assume that because you’ve had sex with someone in the past that you still have permission, you must seek consent every time! Do not assume based off what someone is wearing that they want to have sex. Even if someone is flirting with you, even if you are making out, you still can’t assume they want to have sex with you. If you’re having sex and you or your partner decides they want to stop, that’s okay because consent can be withdrawn at any time. I don’t know if it’s obvious by now but the key to consent is communication. The person that is sharing their body with you is being incredibly generous and the least you can do is be polite and respect their body autonomy. Ask nicely, a clear “may I..?” and “will you..?” will show your partner that you have appreciation for them, but no matter how polite you are to someone they still don’t owe you anything. You are never entitled to touch another person no matter how nice you think you’re being. Proceeding with sexual contact without a strong affirmative from your partner is never acceptable.
If you are someone who could become pregnant and you have yet to make a choice on what kind of birth control to use, don’t wait! We want you to being having Hot Sex! Getting stranded with a fetus by some “cool” “musician” you met at a “show” where you had a lot of “fun” is a severe party foul. Do you know what’s an even bigger bummer? Not to mention a danger to public health? Being sexually active and not getting regularly tested for sexually transmitted infections!! All of these needs can be sorted out with your primary care doctor if you have one, but if you don’t or would be more comfortable going somewhere else we have a couple very convenient options for you. First you can try the campus Wellness Center (located in Sem 2110), as a full-time student you can get all of the above needs met here for free!! If this doesn’t work for whatever reason there’s always the blessed Planned Parenthood (402 Legion Way, Suite 201. Olympia, WA (360) 867-6200). If you do get pregnant and you want an abortion, guess what, that’s okay. Abortion is normal. People get abortions every day. There’s probably someone getting a totally safe abortion while you’re reading this right now and they are just a regular person for whom this choice does not define their life. If you have Medicaid or WA Apple Health, these programs cover the entire cost of the procedure. If you don’t and need insurance, enrollment is currently closed but opens again Nov. 1 2017. If you don’t have insurance or are still on your parents insurance, please call PP to see about other coverage options, they want to help you!
Body Party loves thinking about all the people around the world having cool, beautiful, satisfying, safe and consensual sex and we want you to be one of those people (if you want!)! The final and best piece of advice we have to give is to remember that this is a small town and it’s imperative to your social health that you act accordingly. Being friendly to everyone you meet is super easy, a little eye contact with a smile and wave does wonders and it takes almost no effort, and people will appreciate you for acknowledging their existence! And don’t gossip!! This is especially important for people who you have fucked, even if you don’t think you’ll want to fuck them again. Unless the two of you ended on very bad terms (and in that case, congrats, being haunted by a social conflict means you’re a true Olympian now) showing your sexual partners positive regard is a courtesy you can’t afford not to give them.
_________________________________________
Body Party is a sex-positive column where anonymous student questions about their bodies & relationships are given carefully researched answers. This column is not written by a doctor, just an older (and maybe wiser?) student who wants to see your sex-life & romantic relationships thrive and be healthy! Please direct your questions about the above topics, as well as, but not limited to, medications, STIs, sex toys, and kinks to bodyparty@cooperpointjournal.com.
