Hello! Welcome to BODY PARTY, a space to talk about sex, relationships, health, identity, and being a freak! Each week, our anonymous resident Body Partier will take YOUR questions and answer them, judgement free! To have your questions answered in print, send us a Q at ask.fm/CPJBodyParty!
Dear Body Party,
I just moved to Oly and hooking up has been rough for this brand new queer on the scene! Before moving, I was used to being able to go out and meeting people but that just doesn’t seem to happen for me here. I’ve resorted to using hookup apps like Tinder and Grindr for the first time. Although it’s fun, I’m nervous about meeting up with people. Do you have any tips for staying safe while getting it with a stranger?
Thanks?
Hesitantly Hooking Up
Hello Hesitant!
This question is all too real. Between the lousy weather and the fact that the only gay bar in town is much more of a bachelorette destination than a place to meet a cutie, Oly is just not set up to set you up. And you’re totally right about it being a little bit freaky to just go out with some rando! Worry not, though, because there are totally ways to be a little safer while staying casual.
While apps can be a good place to start, make sure to get a little bit more of your cutie’s information before meeting up offline. If the app your using has screen names, ask them for their real name as a way of knowing a little bit more about them. Usernames are fun, but your cutie’s profile name is probably not short for Richard Swallower.
While you’re at it, things like their Instagram, their phone number, or their Twitter are good to ask for, just to make sure they really are who they say they are. Moving the flirting to these platforms could also be an extra way to suss out if they ACTUALLY have access to this account and they aren’t catfishing you.
Once you have a plan in mind, make sure to tell a trusted pal where you’re going and the nature of the meet up. It’s so much better to be honest with someone who cares for you then to hide details just in case something DOES go wrong. If you’re going to be somewhere like a house or a large park, feel free to drop a pin every so often just to check in and say “I’m OK!” If you have an iPhone you might even consider using the Find My Friend app to let your trusted pal make sure you’re in places that you thought you’d be. If you go somewhere unexpected, they can call and check in on you.
When you do finally move from URL to IRL, make sure to meet up in a public place first. You can always go to bars or parties. You can go to sillier places like The Kissing Statue downtown or the farmer’s market. No matter where you meet up, you’ll get to be in a fairly safe place as you check to make sure this person is who you thought they would be. You can always move it to private as fast as you want, but this way you also have the option to not move it to private at all if you so please.
Lastly, the most important thing to remember about staying safe is to check in with yourself. Take some time before going out to decide what you’re hoping will happen, what you’re okay with happening, and what your limits are and make sure to stick to those decisions. You NEVER have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Does your date want you to drink, when you might not usually? Are they trying to do something sexually that you’re not down to do? You’re always allowed to say no. If they keep asking you, feel free to just stand up and leave. Having boundaries and sharing them doesn’t make you a bummer. Telling people your comforts and limits openly makes you a cooler person and a better lover, and anyone who tries to give you a hard time can freakin’ email me!
Stay safe and sexy out there,
Body Party
