BY DJ PFEIFLE
Our mascot, Speedy the Geoduck (pronounced “Goo-ee-duk”) is actually based off a very large pacific northwest clam. The idea of using a clam as a mascot was to poke fun at other colleges’ often vicious, nasty and generic mascots. Using a clam also emphasizes Evergreen’s position as an outside-the-box college.
If you’ve seen a Geoduck before (which by now you probably have, since there’s pictures all over campus), you’ll know they look kinda like male genitalia. This is why the current Speedy looks like a cute smiling cartoon penis. Speedy has been through many different iterations; the current Speedy is brand new, over three years in the making, and the only one that is not terrifying or weird in one way or another. In addition, this is the only Speedy that was not student designed. Let’s take a trip down memory lane and look at Speedy’s many different forms.
The original Speedy was very basic, just a grey shell with a brown point coming out the top. Not exactly complicated. In fact, this may be the simplest of all the speedy designs, and also one of the most phallic. I mean, I know they were trying, but it seriously looks just like a dick. This one was in use from 1976-1981.
The second Speedy is definitely the most terrifying of the bunch. This geoduck is also the most faithful to the inspiration, but that’s not always the best thing. This is one of only two geoducks that is known to wear pants, (the other one of course being the current one). All other geoducks wore some kind of shorts. Additionally, although it’s hard to see, this Speedy has a duck bill, poking fun at the concept of a “geoduck”. This is also one of only two geoducks with a grey shell, which makes it clear Speedy is indeed a clam and not a snail. This Speedy was in use from 1982-1987.
After that, we had the some of the only versions of Speedy to sport a tail (which, incidentally, is completely inaccurate) as well as some of the few iterations where you could see the Geoduck’s human face. These costumes are more or less just a coat, with nothing more going for it (besides the incorrect tails). Sometimes simpler is better. At the very least, these ones aren’t terrifying. The photos of these designs are also not very good, so it’s hard to judge if these are actually different mascots or different people wearing the same costume. If these had to be compared to something, I would say a sideways hamburger with no toppings. In other words, boring. These Speedy(s) were in use from 1988-2005.
The third-most recent Speedy brings them into the age of the “pickle taco.” It’s not exactly wrong, this Speedy looks like just that, a walking pickle in a sideways taco shell with a sparkly gold trim (which, OOH tacky). It looks really angry for some reason, but it definitely looks better than its precursor. This Speedy existed from 2005-2011.
The next Speedy was also a “pickle taco.” However, there are two notable differences between the previous Speedy and this one. The vest and the face are pretty different, but otherwise they are more or less the same. The weirdest part of this costume was the big bulbous eyes and an eternally open mouth that gave this pickle taco a “in the air” look, so to speak. This iteration of Speedy was phased out in 2017 and replaced with the speedy we all know and love today.
According to the school website, “Speedy is one of just two non-insect invertebrate college mascots. The other is Sammy the UC Santa Cruz Banana Slug.” In addition, Speedy uses They/Them/Theirs Pronouns. Speedy’s favorite film is 3 Feet Under: A Duckumentary, a real documentary about geoducks. Speedy is a big fan of Shel Silverstein, and is very young for a Geoduck. If we assume Speedy is as old as their first iteration, than speedy is 42. That sounds middle aged, but Geoducks have been known to live up to 170 years! Speedy is an interesting mascot to say the least, but just remember that they could be (and were) much worse.
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