Hello! Welcome to BODY PARTY, a space to talk about sex, relationships, health, identity, and being a freak! Each week, our anonymous resident Body Partier will take YOUR questions and answer them, judgement free! To have your questions answered in print, send us a Q at ask.fm/CPJBodyParty!
Dear Body Party,
My partner and I have been going steady for a while and we’ve been getting along great. Long walks on the dock downtown, looking at Mt. Rainier together at sunset, all that cheesy shit. Recently, they finally popped the big question… They want to have Anal Sex. I’m excited, I really am! I mean, so far we’ve only done non-ass activities but I trust them enough to show them my butthole and honestly, I think it’d be sort of sexy! But I must confess… I’ve never done butt stuff before! What should I expect? And more importantly, how do I, like, not shit on my lover?
Help!,
Ready For Fifth Base
Dear Ready 4 5th,
Wowee! How romantic! Anal sex can be one of the more vulnerable sex things you do with a partner and it can be really special to share that experience with someone! But (haha, butt) I agree, it can also be super stressful to do it for the first time. There is a lot of weird, shitty misinformation floating around out there about butt stuff and sorting through what is real and what is not can leave one feeling a little pooped. Worry not, you’re talking to me, the mASSter, Booty Party.
First, my biggest piece of advice is to prepare beforehand. Make sure you’re comfortable with anal stimulation by taking some time by yourself to explore the great outback. Allowing yourself to do some gentle touching and rubbing of your sweet rose bud while you’re loving on yourself (by this, I mean masturbating) can help you Pavlov yourself into associating your ass with, like, sex and not just pooping.
Also, if you’re going to be exploring this new land, keep in mind that not all toys are made for your butt. Some can even be super dangerous to stick in there! Only toys with a flared base, meaning the base is much thicker than the actual toy itself, should be used for butt stuff. This is because your butt has no end. It goes on forever and ever and things can (and frequently do) get stuck up there. You don’t want to have to go to the ER with a vibrator up your ass, do you? Imagine trying to get your insurance to cover that.
Now that you’re acquainted with your hidden hole, you might be feeling ready for some good, old fashioned penetration. But not so fast! Aren’t you and your dry ass forgetting something? Lube! Lube is going to be your best friend when it comes to anal sex. Unfortunately, unlike the other cool and fun holes in your body, your booty does not lubricate itself. Wouldn’t that be kind of hellish if it did? Yikes. But for better or for worse, the only way that (gender neutral) bad boy is getting slippery is by your own accord. So why be conservative? Put a big ol’ glob on your partner’s finger(s)/flared based toy/penis/other and go ahead and cover your butthole with it too. There is really no such thing as too much lube here and trust me, it’ll make things go a whole lot more smoothly. Just a tip.
Speaking of just the tip, always remember that you can go as slow as you want or need. Although you may want to go straight into lustful and enlightened dagger-time now that you’re an Anal Sex Haver (™), consider not doing that! I know, I get it. Anal sex can feel so cool and grown up but you’re not quite there yet, pardner! Go super slow at first, and use shallow thrusting until you feel SUPER comfortable with this new addition to your life. Starting in a spooning-like position can be really sweet and romantic, and it can really help you relax and just let things slide. Again, only once you’re super comfy with everything should you move to something more advanced like doggy style.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. What about the poop? What if I poop on my partner? What if I poop on my bed? What if I poop in class like that one nightmare I had? Poop is this big, scary villain of society, a weird and stinky taboo. But let me tell you a little secret, here first: Poop isn’t a big deal. Before I get ahead of myself, you totally will not outright shit on your sweetie. Eating light foods the day prior, making sure to empty your bowels before sex, and showering will all help your lower rectum be empty for the big moment. But I think it’s a bigger issue. If you let yourself spend the whole time you’re having sex worrying about tiny things in life like a little bit of doodoo, you’re never going to go anywhere in your life. A little bit of shit never hurt anyone (as long as you’re, like, not actively sick) and you can’t let tiny things rule your life. Be free. Ascend. You’re an Anal Sex Haver now! Repeat after me: It is okay if there is poop! I am lovable even if there is poop! I am sexy even if there is poop! Say it out loud! I poop and I am proud!
Cool :-)
Anyways, good luck! Bye!
